Have you seen the Brisbane City Council bus driver safety campaign, where the lady loses it with the bus driver when the bus turns up late? The focus of the advert is on how we treat our bus drivers, but it also made me think of how anxiety can spill out as anger. In this case, the lady is late for a meeting; to me it looks like she’s anxious about the meeting, and conscious of not having enough time. When the bus turns up late, and the driver is apologising and trying to explain what happened, she starts screaming at him to shut up! It seems like the bus driver who she’s relying on to help her get there has instead become the outlet for her anxiety and frustration.

Does this sound like something that could happen for you too? Maybe imagine you’ve got a big work deadline looming, you’re in a hurry to get home and get dinner before logging back on to do more work, and you’re vaguely aware that you’re drumming your fingers impatiently on the steering wheel as you drive. When a car pulls in front of you, that’s it; you lose it and blare your horn, drive up close behind them and gesture wildly, all while swearing loudly. The rest of your drive home is a blur and, rather than being able to focus on the work you need to get done, you’re asking yourself “What just happened? What’s going on? Do I have anger issues?”.

I have found, both with my clients and for myself, that anxiety and anger can go together. When we are anxious, or stressed, and a trigger situation comes along, we are less likely to respond calmly or with consideration, and instead react, seemingly automatically. Often there’s guilt afterwards, as the person on the receiving end of the anger is not necessarily the source of that anger; they may be the trigger; or they may be in the unfortunate position of being the first person you come across, the last straw, or, the person you can ‘safely’ berate when really it’s your boss, or a client, or someone you can’t let loose on who is actually the focus of your annoyance.

WHERE DOES THE ANGER COME FROM? IS IT A SYMPTOM OF ANXIETY?
Dr Grant Blashki is a practising GP and Beyond Blue's lead Clinical Advisor. Here is his explanation on why we get angry (from the Beyond Blue website).

“Our bodies and minds have a nervous system that prepares us for fighting or running if we are threatened, known as the fight or flight response. It was a very good system when human beings were living in the wild to help protect us from tigers and snakes and other life-threatening predators. 

The problem occurs in modern life when our nervous system sets off an angry response, usually in response to daily frustrations, annoyances, or feelings of fear.

Often anger is made worse by our own unhelpful self-talk; “everyone is against me”, “it’s not fair” or “people are so annoying”. These, along with a whole range of other possible negative self-talk only pours fuel onto the fire of anger.

However it’s also important to realise there are appropriate times for anger, and appropriate ways to express it. You might be asserting yourself against someone who’s been taking advantage of you or protecting yourself in a threatened situation.

The problem is when anger gets out of control and can expand into a full-blown rage. In this situation the momentum of anger overwhelms rational problem solving, and there is also a risk that you’ll say or do something that you’ll later regret.”

OKAY SO THAT’S SOME GREAT INFORMATION ON WHY WE CAN GET ANGRY, BUT WHAT ABOUT ANGER MANAGEMENT – CAN COUNSELLING HELP WITH ANGER?
In a word, yes. Counselling can help with anger. With my clients, we first look at their goal – what do they want to get from counselling. Is it all about anger management, or is managing their anger part of a broader goal, for example to improve a relationship, or get on better at work? What is the change they want to make, and who will benefit from it, for example self, partner, kids, colleagues? I work with them to help recognise if there are particular triggers linked to their anger, so they can prepare in advance, for example through role playing a situation, taking a few deep breaths before talking to that person, making that phone call etc. In some cases, it may be better to completely avoid those triggers.

We look at how they are appraising those triggers (whether they be particular people or situations), what are their thoughts about the person or situation, and are there other ways to look at it? What are they paying attention to, and are these the things that matter? Will it matter it a week’s time? Will it have a long-term impact? How does the anger affect the outcome?

I ask clients to focus on how they physically experience the situation, with the goal of helping them to be aware of the onset of that physical response, so that they can work on ‘catching’ the anger early and using strategies to calm it down.

As well as looking at strategies to use ‘in the moment’, it’s also really helpful to work on lowering your overall stress levels, for example through exercise, getting enough sleep, spending time doing activities you really enjoy, and get engrossed in, and practising relaxation techniques such as mindfulness.

Another area to focus on is any negative self-talk; that voice in your head that says ‘I can’t do this; things always go wrong for me; they’re all against me’. Challenge these thoughts and find the examples of what you can do, when things have gone right.

Also recognise that sometimes it’s okay to get angry, or frustrated, or upset – the goal is to express it in a healthy way that resolves the situation, and that keeps you, and everyone around you, safe and well.

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